Several Reasons Why My Sister Requires Rehab

So, I went running with my sister, Amanda, this morning, and here are two things that I now know for sure:

A. I am in worse shape than I thought.

B. My sister is on crack.

It’s true.

She is a crack-smoking, way-too-cheery, swingy-ponytailed, freak.

Here’s the deal. While I have been engulfed in a year of lazy assness, my sister has been running every day, eating healthy crap and completing the Washington D.C. Marine Corps Marathon.

Yep, that’s right, folks. She hasn’t just been running. She’s been running so damn much that I prayed that today – if only today! – would be the day her stupid swishy ponytail just said, “Alright, I’ve had enough!” and fell off.

Then, we could have stopped.

But it didn’t. And, instead, I chose to run one of the hardest hills there is in Pittsburgh because I have an ego problem. That, and the fact that I am a bit of a masochist, did not help my run with Barbie on crack.

Did not help at all.

Of course, instead of being intelligent and starting out slow after taking such a long exercise sabbatical, I decided to go all out. I have never been good at understanding such silly terms as “easing into it” or “beginner” or “sane.”

So, top off my Type-A personality with my juiced up sister and you know that I am just not going to be able to get out of bed tomorrow.

And if the fact that my sister is more athletically-advanced than I am right now is not enough, I must express one more thing to each one of you in order for this psychotic run to seep it’s way into your little brains:

The girl will not effing shut up.

I mean, I am literally begging for air and she is talking to me about the bagels she ate last night. As if I already don’t want to kill her, she is telling me about an activity that I would much rather be engaging in at that moment than running with a blabber mouth.

And then, she keeps talking. And I try to respond. And she talks. And I gasp. And she talks, and talks, and talks. And I search for the nearest person who may be carrying an inhaler.

And then …

we are going downhill.

I feel my naturally-imbedded pace begin to sink in, and I look over to my right at the cracked-up chatterbox.

And I realize what I have been missing.

That pain and hurt, and the feeling of weakness and strength duking it out is one of my favorite things about running.

And running with my sister … Well, I guess I missed that, too.


Amanda finishing her first marathon, October 28, 2007



Filed under January 2008, Run

10 responses to “Several Reasons Why My Sister Requires Rehab

  1. Mary

    Oh my gosh!!!! I laughed so hard I cried…and then I just cried…I love you and I too miss running with both of you. XOXO

  2. Lisa

    Caroline, I was laughing so hard reading today’s events with Mandi. Just so you know, I have had the same experience with your mother while running. She is running and talking and I am gasping for breath wanting to kill her. I know exactly how you felt!!! I have to say that when I got to the end of your story and saw Mandi’s picture (that I took I must add) I was so touched. That doesn’t sound like something I would say but it’s true. Keep up the inspiring stories….love them!

  3. Mary

    Oh, and I too have secretly prayed Amanda’s ponytail would fall off!!!!

  4. Amanda

    Haha 🙂 You are so funny! This was really great! I laughed so hard and, like mom, cried from laughter and because it was so wonderful. Thank you for knowing me so well. You capture my personality perfectly. I could not ask for a better friend and sister. I really enjoyed running with you today. And remember…your the psycho who chose the course with the mile long hill!! Who’s the crazy one now??! The part about the downhill is so true. It is one of the reasons I get out there and run each day! When you work your butt off for miles and it hurts like hell you have every right to want to stop. Then you get to this amazing downhill and think “Wow, how beautiful!” I have brought myself to tears at moments like that. Running is such an amazing way to learn to appreciate the world around you. Ok. I may have only confirmed the fact that I am a lunatic for all of your readers. Most of them are thinking, “Ok. Caroline was right. The girl needs help if she really feels that way about running!” So, I am done now! I loved our run today and I love you. I am so proud of you and looking forward to your future success. You are so talented. The WORLD must read your work! I am looking forward to many more runs with you! 😉

  5. Amanda

    P.S. Welcome back!! I missed you!!

  6. Wow, that is one of the funniest things I have ever read. It is so true. Every time I go running with Amanda it is the same deal. She always ask, “how you doing”. I just respond, “fine”. When really I’m in immense pain. That girl is either on speed or performance enhancing drugs. She’s like a damn race horse. At the same time, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m glad you got a chance to run with her again. She is an extremly motivating person. Awesome story. Keep up the good writing. I love it.

  7. Cathy

    Another great one – I missed a few days and loved reading this article. I remember a time when I too used to run with my sister. I liked the exercise, but never quite had the talent or drive for all out kill yourself running. You definitely captured it – thanks!

  8. She is a crack addict and won’t give me any…kidding.

  9. Amanda

    Hey! Not nice Luke 😉

  10. Hi Caroline,

    What a great story to read with my morning coffee! I love your writing technique! Was just passing through and chose this story to read because it was about family. Hope you are well and look forward to hearing from you!

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